Ethics in Communication

AEC Episode 05 — The three rights we grant each other

Everything we do is communication. Every action, every choice reveals something to the world. Ethics is the study of making good choices — and all choices express into the world through this communication channel.

Everything Is Communication

World (Objective) ↔ Self (Subjective)

World → Self: Perception. The world reveals itself; you receive.
Self → World: Expression. Your choices, actions, emotions reveal you.

Driving somewhere = communication (carbon dioxide, presence, impact). Speaking = communication. Even silence = communication.

"One's life is the total communication between self and the universe."

Response vs. Reaction

🤖 Machine (Reaction)

Signal in → Processing → Signal out. No choice. Deterministic.

✨ Human (Response)

Perception → Infinite pause → Expression. In that pause lives choice, spirit, consciousness. This is where ethics happens.

The Grant of Three Rights

For real communication to happen, both parties must voluntarily grant each other three rights:

Right to Speak

Be present. Create open space in your mind and perception to receive their signal. Show up.

Right to Be Understood

Seek to understand. Meet their words with shared language, concepts, culture. Listen actively.

Right to Know You've Been Understood

Show them that understanding was achieved. Complete the loop. Don't leave them wondering.

These cannot be simplified further. If you try to make communication conceptually simpler, something essential is lost.

Key insight: These are grants — voluntarily given. You can't compel someone to be present, to understand, or to show understanding. Both parties must choose.

Why People Don't Feel Heard

💡 The Common Failure

You receive a message. You understand it. But then you jump straight to your response.

The other person has no indication that you understood. They can't deduce it without extra cognitive work. They feel unheard.

Result: They repeat the message. Communication stalls. Frustration builds.

It's like a video call where the feed freezes. You have no feedback. Did they get your message? You'll repeat it until you get confirmation.

Showing Understanding

Basic: Repeat back

"Here's what I heard you say..."

This helps, but a recorder can do this too. It doesn't prove understanding.

Advanced: Ask questions that enclose the territory

🗺️ The Territory Metaphor

Imagine all possible things you could say as a map. Your message is a point on that map.

A question represents the border between known and unknown — what they know vs. what they're asking about.

If their questions enclose the region that contains your message, they clearly understood — otherwise they couldn't have asked those questions.

Questions prove understanding more compactly than paraphrase. They reveal not just that the specific message was received, but the whole territory of understanding around it. This is why appreciative inquiry is so powerful.

Practical Application

Before responding to someone:

Show you're present — attention, eye contact, not multitasking
Show you understood — reflect back or ask clarifying questions
Complete the loop — give them certainty that communication succeeded
Then give your response

This takes more time upfront but moves conversations forward much faster overall.

"Rather than covering every inch of territory, we can hop: here to that river, to that hill, to the mountain. Three steps, we're there."

Summary

All action is communication — ethics studies the flow from self to world
Response ≠ Reaction — the pause between perception and expression is where choice lives
Three rights must be granted: to speak, to be understood, to know you've been understood
These are voluntary — both parties must choose to grant them
Show understanding before responding — or they'll repeat until they feel heard
Questions prove understanding more efficiently than paraphrase

📜 Full Transcript

[Transcript available in full episode recording]