Friendship

The 6 dimensions of connection

What does it mean to be a good friend? Forrest Landry breaks down friendship into six distinct dimensions — a framework for understanding, practicing, and deepening our connections with others.

The Framework

Friendship isn't just a feeling — it's a practice. These six dimensions reveal the skills we need and the qualities we can look for in our relationships.

↑ Upper Layer: What We Discover Together

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Discovery

Learning

We learn from each other's life experiences — skills, perspectives, wisdom from paths the other has walked.

💎

Discovery

Values

We discover what matters to each other — what brings joy, what causes pain, what feels meaningful.

→ Middle Layer: What We Do Together

🎁

Practice

Sharing

We share what we discover — books, movies, songs, ideas, people we think the other would enjoy.

🎉

Practice

Celebration

We celebrate each other's wins — promotions, milestones, creations, achievements large and small.

↓ Lower Layer: How We Help Each Other

🤝

Foundation

Support

We help meet each other's needs — moving day, broken car, practical assistance when called upon.

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Foundation

Encouragement

We cheer each other on — believing in the other's goals, caring that they succeed before there's anything to celebrate.

The Relationships Between Dimensions

🔗 How They Connect

Support enables Sharing — practical help creates the conditions for generosity
Encouragement enables Celebration — cheering someone on leads to wins worth celebrating
Sharing and Celebration reveal Values and Learning — what we share and celebrate shows what matters

Diagnostic Questions

Is This Person Being a Friend?

Use these questions to assess the quality of any relationship:

Do they share things with me they think I'd enjoy?
Do they celebrate my wins — or compete with me?
Are they willing to support me when I need help?
Do they encourage me before I've succeeded?
Do they know what I value? Do I know what they value?
Do we learn from each other's experiences?

If the answer to these is "no," you have reason to suspect it's not a friendship — it's some other kind of relation.

Am I Being a Good Friend?

The same six dimensions become a checklist for your own practice:

What have I shared with this person lately?
When did I last celebrate something in their life?
Am I willing to support them when they need it?
Do I encourage them in what they're working toward?
Do I know what they value? Have I asked?
What have I learned from them? What have I taught?

"Good friendships have all six. If any are missing, you know exactly where to focus."

Watch the Episode

📜 Full Transcript

[0:00] Jared: Welcome to Delicate Fire. Today we'll be exploring The Aphorisms of Effective Choice by Forrest Landry. Hey Forrest, it's good to see you again. I know that for me, friendship has been really alive and especially last week we talked about that as a thread. Could you speak more to friendship and what it is that we need to consider?

[0:38] Forrest: It's actually a really good question because we want to really be clear about what does it mean to be a good friend? I'm thinking about that as a kind of skill — to practice the skill of friendship. A lot of times we're in relationships and we say, "oh, you're my friend." But what does that mean? How do I notice friendship? What are the qualities?

[1:30] Forrest: As a philosopher, I asked myself: what do I notice are the things that occur in friendships? It boiled down to 6 specific things. The first is sharing — I know what you're interested in, you know what I'm interested in. Out of generosity, we share: "I saw this movie that reminded me of you," "I met this person I think you'd enjoy." Friends share food, time, the discovery of wonderful things.

[3:00] Forrest: Second is celebration. If you told me you just had a child, got married, got a promotion — I would celebrate that. I'd be delighted. The celebratory thing is a community process, a marker, a point of connection. If we don't acknowledge the good things, we don't remember them. If you're competitive with a colleague who got a promotion, you might not celebrate. But if you're friendly, you support each other.

[5:02] Forrest: Underneath those is support. My friends — if they call and say "I'm moving, I need help" or "my car broke down" — I would be willing to support them. I'd help them meet their needs. If I'm not willing to be supportive of someone I claim to have regard for, then I don't know that I'm actually a friend.

[7:00] Forrest: Then there's encouragement — the thing that happens before there's something to celebrate. Maybe you're training for something and haven't achieved it yet. I would encourage you. It matters that someone else cares whether you succeed. I genuinely care that other people care about what I care about.

[10:00] Forrest: In the upper layer, friends learn from each other — skills, perspectives, life experiences. I would learn from you by the paths you've walked that I haven't, and vice versa. We compare notes. And we discover shared values — what matters to each of us, where joy is, where pain has been.

[12:00] Forrest: So friendship is held within these 6 things: sharing, celebration, support, encouragement, values, and learning. I've sat with this for over a year and haven't found any exceptions. Good friendships have all of them. Now we have not just made it more real intellectually, but more real in our practice.